upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
