Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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