there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
