I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
