Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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