why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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