When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
