Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
