I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
