McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
