im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
