You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
