Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
