She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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