no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
