I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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