Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
