he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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