Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
