The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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