Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
