my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
