i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
