My sheets look like a crime scene.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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