This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
