Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
