I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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