i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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