She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize