I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
