He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize