is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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