Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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