biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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