dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
pop tarts are not kleenex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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