My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
