so that wasnt chicken after all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
