Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
