Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
