I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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