Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two words: blizzard sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
