It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
