Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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