she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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