you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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