"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
