I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
