I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm always down for nudity.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
