If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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