just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
