I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nutella sex= disaster
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
