Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
