I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
