you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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