Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
