YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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