return my video game
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
