I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
