You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wear drunk well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
