He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
