I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize