i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
