I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
another moral hangover. fuck.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
