Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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