No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
