how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
