I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
