im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
