OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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