I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
