Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize