I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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