I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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