Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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