do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
