but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
